While teaching this use your hands pretending chat are holding the phone. Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom? Little Johnny: But I asked first! Two goldfish in a bowl talking: Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God? Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water? Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and joke way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me? Son: No. Man: I could go to the end of the world for chzt.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there? Joies I offer you myself. Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts. Man: I want to share everything with you. Woman: Let's start from your bank. Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice.
Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it. Submitted by Fred G. Stone Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it.
Waitress: Oh, that's okay. The soup isn't hot. Submitted by Jim Sperling The real estate agent says, "I have a good, cheap apartment for you. English Student: I like it very much. Customer : What? Do you think I can't buy more?
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Do you know the way to the zoo? Student: Well Three mice are being chased by a cat. The mice were cornered when one of the mice turned around and barked, "Ruff! Later when the mice told their mother what happened, she smiled and said, "You see, it pays to be bilingual!
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One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said,"oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches. The student: I walk. You walk The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run Father: What did you do today to help your mother?
Son: I dried the dishes Daughter: And I helped pick up the pieces. B: No, that was yesterday. A: Why are all those people running? B: They are running a race to get a cup. A: Who will get the cup?
B: The person who wins. A: Then why are all the others running? Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water. Patient: Will it make me better? Doctor: No, I but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks. Said to a railroad engineer: What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
The reply from the railroad engineer: How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule? Submitted by Kyle Jefferson A: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head, but hcat I stand on my feet the blood doesn't rush to my feet. Why is this?
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B: It's because your feet aren't empty. Submitted by Kyle Jefferson Teacher: Did your father help your with your homework? Student: No, he did it all by himself. Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies? Student: I don't know. Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from? Student: We borrow it from our neighbor. On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man jokkes his eyes closed.
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Are you sick? It's just that I hate to see old ladies standing.
Submitted by lisbeth A: Do you want to hear a dirty joke? B: Ok A: A white horse fell in the mud. Submitted by Robert Kenneth Peter Kroeker - age 21 A nervous old lady on a bus was made even more nervous by the fact that the driver periodically took his arm out of the window.
When she couldn't stand it any longer, she tapped him on the shoulder and whispered on his ear: "Young man I'll tell you when it's raining! But I'm much better noooooooooooow!
He's wearing shorts, sunglasses, a towel and listening to music on his walkman. He's having a good time. Suddenly he sees a caravan approaching.
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He stops the Arabs and ask them cheerfully: "Hey dudes how far is the sea? There is a frog in my soup!!! Waiter: Sorry, sir. The fly is on vacation. One teacher said this to his students before the final test. Man said to God Why did you make women so beautiful?
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God said to man So that you will love them. Man said to God But why did you make them so dumb? God said to man So that they will love you.